My Story

"Me and The Boy”

There’s a lot of really slanderous things that I could say about the boy, and when I think about it some of them might actually be true. It’s tough to say. There are some nice things about the boy too. I mean to start with, he is really good at opening doors when I need to go outside, he feeds me twice day and I always have water to drink; that right there, that says a lot about somebody if you ask me, and since you did ask me, um, that’s what I say. But enough about me already, you asked about the boy.
From my point of view, the boy seems to keep himself pretty busy. He’s always going different places and coming home smelling like different things which tells me something is going on. Most of the time when he’s leaving he’s like, “I gots to go to work now Dingo, so that I can buys you some more food” I pretend to give him a hard time cause we all know that if I make the boy feel guilty then he always takes me for a walk when he gets home. About his job, I don’t like it as much as the old one. He used to come home smelling like all kinds of different foods when he was a waiter, but now that he is a maintenance man for these condominiums he just smells like old people. I mean, I don’t know why he likes his new job so much, it seems to me that it’s not really a good work environment if they don’t have any extra steak bones lying around for him to bring home to me. What’s with that? But I guess he likes it so I’ll have to let him try it out for a while. Sometimes I know the boy doesn’t just go to work cause he’s gone like all day; he says its cause he has to go to school after he has already been at work, but I wonder about that. I need to follow up with the CIA about this. I’ve told him that kind of behavior is just plain unacceptable but he goes on doing that anyway. One of these days, I am going to write to Murray or Oprah or somebody and tell them that I think the boy is cheating on me, and then we’ll go on TV and I’ll be like, “the boy leaves me alone all day” and the crowd will be like, “Boo” and that will teach him.
When the boy’s not leaving me to go to work or school, then he usually takes me over to our friend Charlie’s house. I gets to play with my friends, Kira and Dooley, while the boy and Charlie just sit there and smoke pipes and philosophize about this and that. They’re always saying hey don’t chew on that or stop eating this; if you ask me they’re kinda boring, but the boy is a good guy non the less. I say that, because sometimes on the weekend, we go over to Humane Borders because we volunteer there. The boy drives the truck and we go out to the desert to maintain the water stations. I keep asking to see if I can drive but the boy says that my job is far too important for anyone else to do it. I guess I am the only one with the proper qualifications to stick my head out the window, but maybe one of these days I’ll be behind the wheel and I’ll stick my head out the window at the same time. I mean, I don’t see why I can’t just do it all.
Now, that my critique of the boy is all said and done, I guess there are a lot of nice things about the boy, he works hard and he is pretty good to me. So, I am not going to call the ASPCA on him yet, but as they say only time will stop to smell the roses…or something like that.