Title: Villainous Intent

Scene: Rows of cubicles crowd the windowless office space that is Sinister Solutions, llc. A blueish grey industrial carpet lines the floor; it is almost impossible to decipher whether it was recently installed or on its last thread. The smell of disinfectant and dingy rubber backing suggests the latter. Large de-motivational posters hang from the drop-down, panel ceiling and line the otherwise naked walls that are the color of soiled tapioca pudding. The walls of the cubicles look as though someone partially digested and then vomited plaid. The time is 1 AM, meridian standard; except for a skeleton crew the office is all but deserted.

CHARACTERS:

6017278: Recently hired employee of Sinister Solutions; arrogant, with a sarcastic wit and she has a subtle British accent.
0025432: Nine year veteran of Sinister Solutions: patient, professionally fulfilled and is empathetic to the plight of villains.
PROFESSOR MEPHISTOPHELES: Eccentric, socially inept, self-described as: diabolic. debonair of debauchery.
FAUST: The head minion to Professor Mephistopheles
INSURANCE CLAIM ADJUSTER: Business man
HERR MEIKRANTZ: Senior official of Sinister Solutions

Action: Two overly-caffeinated employees sit at adjoining cubicles, wearing identical hooded polyester body suits which display the company logo, “SS”, and the prospective employee's identification number. The phone rings at one of the cubicles.

SHOT: THE VIEW ALTERNATES FROM DIFFERENT ANGLES ALONG THE CEILING AS THOUGH FLASHING THE FEED FROM DIFFERENT SECURITY CAMERAS.


6017278
(answers in monotone)
Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions, where we have the solutions to all of your sinister needs. How may I assist you in your malefaction today?

(waits for response)
Uh, huh...I see, I would be glad to assist you in that matter. May I have your member id, please?

(waits for response)
It’s the 13 digit number that ends in a letter, located in the top left corner of your membership card.

(waits for response)
Thank you, sir.

(waits for response)
Thank you.

(waits for response)
Will you please provide me with your five digit personal identification number?

(waits for response)
Uh huh...OK.

(waits for response)
Umm...no, I’m afraid that is not the correct number, sir.

(waits for response)
(sighs with discontent)
I’m sorry, sir, I do not have access to that information at this time.

(waits for response)
Well, sir, we use it to unlock your account on our system.

(waits for response)
Not to worry, we do have another way to validate your identity. May I please have your date of birth, the shipping address of your secret location, name of your nemesis and your nefarious mission statement?

(waits for response)
Your mission statement, sir?

(waits for response)
(huffs)
It is your villainous motif.

(waits for response)
Really? Thank you, sir. Let’s see... yes, I have you here. Do I have permission to access your account today?

(waits for response)
Alright, it seems that your pin is: 4321. Like a countdown, huh?
have you ever considered changing that sir?

(waits for response)
(sighs)
...I understand if that’s also the pin to your ATM card...I’m just suggesting you pick a number that would be somewhat more...

(sarcastic)
difficult to guess.

(waits for response)
You do have a point sir, it was difficult enough for you to remember. Well, would you like for me to assist you in the matter that you called about today?

(waits for response)
Great, please proceed with your question.

(waits for response)
I think I can help you; it seems that your henchmen are in need of some sort of transportation, right?

(waits for response)
Well, there are a couple of options: individual transportation options tend to be less costly per unit and have greater maneuverability, but have the drawbacks of limited carrying capacity and greater vulnerability. On the other hand, multi-personnel carriers provide higher protection and overall load capacity, but tend to be costly and have less maneuverability.

(waits for response)
I see...well, if cost is your primary concern, I suggest one of our individual transportation models.

(waits for response)
Yes sir, they can be fabricated to fit your henchmen’s theme.

(waits for response)
No, I have not heard of henchmen dressed as aye-ayes, but I am sure the manufacturer can come up with something.

(waits for response)
Alright. Now, you should decide on engine size; they range from 500cc to 1500cc.

(waits for response)
Well, the 500cc base model typically runs around $2000 per unit.

(waits for response)
Yes, sir, that is with the custom exterior of your choice but not any upgrades.

(waits for response)
I know that sounds like a lot, sir.

(waits for response)
No, I really don’t recommend you try that.

(waits for response)
I just don’t think your aye-ayes will appear all that menacing on the back of mopeds.

(waits for response)
Would it aid in your decision if I sent you a catalog so you can decide what would be the best option for your needs?

(waits for response)
Great, have I assisted you in all of your vile needs?

(waits for response)
OK, thank you for calling sinister solutions and have a depraved day.

(disconnects and turns to 002)
(exasperated)
Jesus, I didn’t think that call was going to end. Sometimes I think these people really got into villainy because they were too socially retarded to get a job as a clerk at a convenience store.

0025432
If you think that was bad, you have a lot to learn.

6017278
How the hell do they expect to defeat a hero, dominate the world or enslave mankind, when I have to hold their hand to keep them from buying fucking mopeds for their henchmen?

0025432
I guess you could call it job security?

6017278
I have no idea how you shrug it off like that.

0025432
(points to his chest)

601, look at this number, it tells you one thing: I’ve been working here from damn near the beginning, without being disintegrated thus far. I guess you just get used to it after a while. At some point you actually start to feel kinda sorry for these guys.

6017278
What do you mean? They don’t deserve any sympathy for pure stupidity!

0025432
No,no,no, think about it. These guys have set their life goal to thwart the actions of super heroes; continually failing time and time again. Yet, something keeps them going. Maybe it is stupidity or maybe they are caught in some kind of vicious Sisyphean task that prevents them from ever succeeding?

6017278
Dude, I’m not saying they all have syphilis and yeah, it’s called stupidity! Don’t get me wrong though, super heros bug the shit out of me; always acting like they’re superior through superficial humility after preventing a baby from being crushed by burning debris or some other altruistic plea for recognition. I am glad someone is out there trying to do something to screw with their day. But the people that call in here are nothing but prop comics on steroids? No wonder they fail!

0025432
So, you are saying that super heroes wouldn’t bother you so much if they were conceited?
6017278
Nobody ever put it that way. I guess in a way, I would like them a little more if they would just drop the humble act for affirmation and behave like the god-like beings they are.

(phone rings)

0025432
Maybe it will help if you listen to how I handle this call.
(turns on speaker phone)
Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions; where we have the solutions to all of you sinister needs. How may I assist you in your malefaction today?

PROFESSOR MEPHISTOPHELES
(dramatic)

It all began two weeks ago, when my masterplan would have unfolded impeccably; the alignment of the tectonic plates was perfect! The tsunami wave generator would have been absolutely devastating, but just as I pulled the initiation lever...nothing! The Cabal of Virtue would have been utterly crushed like the skull of a baby seal against a Louisville slugger.

0025432
I would be glad to assist you in that matter. May I have your member ID, please?

PROFESSOR MEPHISTOPHELES
(dramatic)

But of course. My member identification number is: five..four..six..eight.two..nine..
seven.eight..four.. five.three..six and one!

0025432
Thank you. For verification, will you please provide me with your five digit pin?

PROFESSOR MEPHISTOPHELES
(dramatic)

pin? pin? Personal identification number! Now, let me see. I must have written it down somewhere...

(shuffling)

0025432

(places phone on mute and comments to 601)
He’s a little eccentric, but he means well. You just have to play along.

PROFESSOR MEPHISTOPHELES
(dramatic to himself)

Sam's Club membership?...no; dental plan?...no; flying fortress insurance?...no; ah, here it is. The pin is:...five..eight...double zero and eight!

0025432
Do I have permission to access your account today?

PROFESSOR MEPHISTOPHELES
(over the top)

By the great gods of the science of evil...I grant you permission!

0025432
Thank you. Now, you are calling because of an issue with your tsunami generator, correct? What is the serial and model number?

PROFESSOR MEPHISTOPHELES
(dramatic)

Hold on...the model number appears to be...5000a! I do not see the serial number!

0025432
The serial number is actually located on the back of the machine, doctor.

PROFESSOR MEPHISTOPHELES
(dramatic)

Those ingenious devils! Allow me to fetch one of my minions to move it away from the wall!

(shouts away from phone to Faust)

Faust! Get in here and bring the Swifter and Dust-Buster...to me! Now, move the tsunami generator away from the wall! What is the serial number on the back of the machine?!

FAUST

(slurred words picked up by phone)

I have your master’s number; I mean, I have the numbers, master.

PROFESSOR MEPHISTOPHELES
(speaks to 002)

The serial number is:...five..seven.three..eight..
three..six...one and seven!

0025432
I think I know what your issue might be. On that unit, the emergency neutralizer lever can be easily mistaken for the initiation switch. Did you pull the red lever on the machine?

PROFESSOR MEPHISTOPHELES
(dramatic)

Why, yes, I did pull the red lever; I thought it was red for destruction, annihilation if you will!

0025432
OK, looks like we found your problem. That lever actually makes the machine no longer functional. Trust me, I don’t understand the necessity for a neutralization lever on a death-machine product. However, the standard protocol of interactions from the superpowered relations act of 1953, with precedence as set by Dr. Danger v. Mister Philanthropist, specifies that there must be such a device on all mass destruction equipment. Since I see that your dues are all current, we’ll be sending you out another death-machine. My computer is showing me that the 5000a is no longer in circulation, so I will be sending you the upgraded 6000z. since it is a bulk ship item, it should arrive in 10-14 business days. Does this solve all of your evildoer needs?

PROFESSOR MEPHISTOPHELES
(dramatic)

Thank you for your assistance, we are not so different you and I!

0025432
Great, thank you for calling and have a depraved day.

(disconnects, turns to 601)

See, he was a perfectly nice individual that was in need of our assistance.

6017278
Its absurd that he attempted to use a device like the 5000a, and he didn’t even bother to glance at the instructions!

(laughs to himself)

That guy’s a douche!

0025432
Be that as it may, I enjoyed helping him. Maybe you just need some time off; a long weekend, a vacation on the beach or something.

6017278
I need to not deal with people that are too incompetent to use a device with color coded handles!

(phone rings)

Here we go again! Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions; where we have the solutions to all of your sinister needs. How may I assist you in your malefaction today?

(waits for response)
(agitated)

Oh, fuck off Captain Justice!
What, are you such an unoriginal bastard that you think I never heard that before?

(waits for response)
(agitated)

Why don’t you go save a kitten out of a tree you bleeding heart son of a bitch! Die slow and rot in fucking hell!

(slams down phone, turns to 002)

Finally some actual entertainment in my day! I guess that’s two things those damn paladins are
good for. If they only knew how much I thoroughly enjoyed venting my frustration like that, I don’t think they would call anymore.

0025432
(Arnold Schwarzenegger accent)

You’re damaged goods lady.

(phone rings)

Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions; where we have the solutions to all of your sinister needs. How may I assist you in your malefaction today?

(waits for response)

I understand. May I have your member id, please?

(waits for response)

Thank you, do I have permission to access your account?

(waits for response)

Thank you, and your pin for identification?

(waits for response)

Great. So, I understand that you have an issue with the use of your McAbier model grow/shrink ray?

(waits for response)

Oh, that seems as though you do have a problem.

(waits for response)
(chuckles a little)

Well, I don’t see why it couldn’t be used for that but you definitely wouldn’t want to use it in that mode; I can see why your wife would be concerned.

(waits for response)

OK, well first you are going to need to get the ray focus attachment, some kind of magnification tool and tweasers.

(waits for response)

Now, ensure that you have the device in the grow position; you definitely don’t want to shrink it again.

(waits for response)

Now, I want you to use the magnifier to aim very carefully and I want you to ensure that you do not hit your leg. Remember, short, controlled burst are more accurate and make it easier to regulate proportions.

(interjects)

Wait! You probably want to use both hands for this. Have I helped you with all of your degenerate needs?

(waits for response)

Great. Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions. I just want to say, good luck we’re all counting on you!

6017278
Don’t tell me he did what I think he did?

0025432

(shrugs)

Ehhh...

6017278
You still feel sorry for these people and I’m the one with problems?


(phone rings)
(monotone)

Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions; where we have the solutions to all of you sinister needs. How may I assist you in your malefaction today?

(waits for response)

No, this is not too wet for you.

(waits for response)

Don’t worry, man; this happens all the time. You dialed: 1.888.555.4362, but what you need to dial is: 1.888.555.4361.

(waits for response)

No problem. You have a good time now, buddy.

0025432
Wow, you handled that rather well!

6017278
What? I got stock in that company.

0025432
you own stock in a phone sex company?

6017278
I just figured, with all the wrong numbers I see working at this place it might be a good investment. So, I called them and they are actuality some decent folks. I mean, everybody likes to get their nut off.

0025432
Dude, that’s disgusting and altogether way too much information, but strangely hot.

(phone rings)

Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions; where we have the solutions to all of your sinister needs.
How may I assist you in your malefaction today?

(waits for response)

Sir, I understand that you are upset but may I have your membership ID please?

(waits for response)

Thank you Barron Von Shadow, and your PIN for verification?

(waits for response)

Thank you. Do I have permission to access your account today?

(waits for response)

Well of course I assume that you would like me access your account, but I do have to be given your permission, sir. I know that you may be upset but you have to understand that question is in place for your account’s security.

(waits for response)

Sir, I ask for your patience in giving me the details as to what I can help you with today.

(waits for response)

Alright, the problem you are describing seems to be an issue with the targeting system used with the Destructo ray.

(waits for response)

No, I do not believe the ray itself is defective; they are designed in such a way that the ray can only fire along the path it is targeted on.

(waits for response)

I see your concern in trusting my judgement but I can assure you that I am quite experienced in these matters. It may be that the equipment is malfunctioning but I do intend to help you to the best of my ability. If you can bear with me for a moment I will look into current issues with targeting systems used with that particular death ray

(Types on computer)

Well...there doesn’t seem to be anything that would cause a malfunction of the type that you described that hasn’t already been patched with an update.

(waits for response)

No sir, you don’t have to do anything for the updates to take place other than register the software. You did register the software, correct?

(waits for response)

You gave fake information?

(waits for response)

No sir, I don’t think, considering the nature of the industry, you have to worry about the safety of your information. You should rest assured that it is part of companies such as the death ray company and ourselves to keep your information secure and confidential. If you didn’t enter the correct information when you registered the product, then your software must be completely out of date. That would definitely be the reason for the malfunction of your equipment.

(waits for response)

I’m very confident this is the reason for the problem with your equipment. In order to fix this, I can e-mail you the updates for your software. Is the e-mail address we have on file for you correct; Winger17@aol.com?

(waits for response)

Great, you will receive an e-mail with the updates for your device as an attachment. If you have any issues installing the updates, then please feel free to contact us again and one of our associates will walk you through the installation process. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?

(waits for response)

I’m sorry, sir, but there is really nothing more that I can do for you to mend this situation. This particular issue is not the responsibility of Sinister Solutions.

(interrupted then continues)

Sir, please calm down. What you are asking is outside the liability of the company and I am afraid you are misunderstanding the guidelines under which we operate.

(interrupted then continues)
(signs of agitation)

No, that is not correct. We do provide support, trouble-shooting and we assist you in the resolution of warranty issues. However, your problem is not a warranty issue. Your issue was the result of a failure on your behalf to register with the equipment’s manufacturer. The help I have given you is the extent to which our service can provide you. If you want to raise your concern with the manufacturer of your equipment, I can provide you with their contact information.

(waits for response)

It is fine if you would like to speak with my overlord but you do not need to speak to me in that manner. If you wait a moment I will connect you with the voice-mail of the next overlord to come on duty.

(waits for response)

I am sorry but, that is the best I can provide you with. It is the middle of the night and there are not any overlords currently on duty. You can call back during our regular business hours, but I can tell you they are not going to be able to provide you with what your are asking for. We can not provide compensation for this kind of problem.

(waits for response)

Sir, if you no longer want to retain our services that is a decision for you to make, but there is not a company that would provide the kind of coverage you are demanding.

(waits for response)

Sir, the bottom line is that this issue occurred because of your actions. This is not our responsibility and there is no need for idle threats.

(speaks to 601)

He just threatened my life and then hung up.

6017278
I told you these people are jack-offs. You should have let me pretend to be the overlord. I would have told him he was a douchebag.

0025432
I don’t think that would have helped the situation.

6017278
I’m not saying it would have helped anything other than venting a little frustration.

0025432
That’s not our job. We are supposed to be assisting the customers in their needs, not calling them douchebags.

6017278
Listen to you,

(Mocks 002)

“assist the customers in their needs” You sound just like that damn training video, but you know what? I don’t remember anywhere in that video where they tell the customer he is at fault.

0025432
I was just...

(interrupted by 002)

6017278
You were just finally being a fallible human being, for once; I’m proud of you.

(pats 002’s head)

Its good that you kept from bottling frustration and vented a little. I think you could learn a thing or two from me.

0025432
I think I could learn how to get disintegrated.

(phone rings)

6017278
You worry too much.

0025432
Yeah, because disintegration isn’t a big deal. I mean, who wants to be corporeal?

(phone rings again)

I mean who wants to be corporeal? And I believe it is your phone ringing this time.

6017278
I’ll get it

(answers phone)

Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions; where we have the solutions to all of your sinister needs. How may I assist you in your malefaction today?

(waits for response)

Oh, hey Tony!

(waits for response)

Yeah, we could grab something to eat in about an hour.

(waits for response)

Yeah, 002 is going to come, too.

(waits for response)
(002 mouths and motions “What the FUCK?”)

OK, see you in an hour.

(hangs up)

0025432
You know I hate Tony.

6017278
Don’t say hate, hate is such a strong word...like disintegration.

0025432
Don’t feed me that B.S. with all the baggage you carry. It doesn’t matter wether or not I say I hate him there is no way I’m going to leave my desk to eat with Tony.

6017278
Why?

0025432
Aside from the fact that we could get in serious F’ing trouble for both leaving our post, that eye just creeps me out. I mean, what is so interesting up and to the left?

6017278

(sarcastic)

Dude, it’s a medical condition; it’s called Amblyopia, otherwise known as Lazy Eye. It’s a result of the cloning process, anyway.

0025432

(responds with sarcasm)

Actually, I think it should be called, “hyper eye”. Lazy doesn’t seem to sum up all the business that eye is conducting.

6017278
By Captain Jean-Luc Picard’s liver spots! So, all it takes is busting your chops with Tony and his crazy eye long enough to get you to crack a joke.

0025432
So, we’re are not actually going to eat with Tony, right?

6017278
Good lord, no! You think I enjoy having my tits stared at the whole time I eat?

0025432
Can you really tell that he’s looking at your tits? What if it’s just that eye?

6017278
I can tell! Anyhow, we are not having lunch with him. I just took a hold of the opportunity to screw with both of you at once. Something like killing two eggs in one basket.

0025432

(starts to correct 601 but is interrupted by the phone ringing)

I think you mean...never mind. Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions; where we have the solutions to all of your sinister needs. How may I assist you in your malefaction today?

(pauses)

No, actually we don’t provide any type of catering; you’ll need to contact Evil Cupcakes. They can be reached easiest online.

(waits for response)

Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions and have a dastardly day.

(hangs up)

6017278
What, was he Snidely Whiplash? God, you are such a clown shoe!

0025432
You know I hate it, too. You know that they require we mix up the termination of the call to make the client feel special.

6017278
But they don’t require you to use dastardly. You know what I hate?

0025432

(sighs and mumbles)

The word dastardly?

6017278
Well, that too, But...

0025432
Oh, here we go.

(exasperated)

What do you hate?

6017278
So, you’re sitting in bumper-to-bumper for like an hour and to make it worse the guy in front of you has one of those behemoth, calligraphy decals plastered across the back window “In Loving Memory of...” Like I really give a shit about somebody else’s dead relative.

0025432
Wait, now this is something we can definitely agree on. I mean, it’s not about mourning your loved one; it’s about letting everyone in traffic know that your are.

(phone rings)

6017278
Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions; where we have the solutions to all of your sinister needs. How may I assist you in your malefaction today?

(waits for response)

I can definitely help you with that. May I have your member ID please?

(waits for response)

And may I have your PIN?

(waits for response)

Oh, there seems to be a problem here, sir.

(pause)

Well, it seems that your contract has lapsed 3,513 days ago. I won’t be able to help you until you sign a new contract.

(waits for response)

I can’t help that you were trapped in a parallel dimension, sir. You are still going to have to contact sales before I can help you. Their normal business hours are 8am-5pm Greenwich standard time.

(waits for response)

Well sir, If your account was still active then you could register a complaint.

(waits for response)

You have a depraved day then.

(hangs up)

0025432

(yawns loudly)

6017278
Need something to pick you up? You should try one of these energy drinks.

0025432
I don’t know how good those things are for you.

6017278

(involuntary eye twitch)

What do you mean? I’m on two right now and I’m just fine.

0025432
What is that then, like ten hours of energy?

6017278
Well, I took them about an hour apart, so actually nine. Although, I’m not sure if it adds or multiples, so it could be something more like 25.

0025432
And then there’s day-light savings, too.

6017278
That’s just ridiculous.

(phone rings)

0025432
Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions; where we have the solutions to all of your sinister needs. How may I assist you in your malefaction today?

(waits for response)

I can definitely help you with that. May I have your member ID please?

(waits for response)

And may I have your PIN?

(waits for response)

OK. So, the screen on your mobile management device is frozen?

(waits for response)

And the mouse won’t move?

(waits for response)

Alright, I need you to push and hold, “Control+Alt+Delete”.

(pauses)

Sir, there is actually no “Control+Alt+Delete” button. You need to find three separate buttons; one that says, “ctrl”, one that says, “alt” and one that says, “delete”

(pauses)

OK. Now, hold them all down for a good second.

(pauses)

Great, now do that one more time.

(waits for response)

Your computer is now going to reboot. You will loose any unsaved information, but other than that everything should run just fine. I recommend that if this is a reoccurring problem that you run disk clean up and disk defragmenter on a regular basis.

(pauses)

Maybe, you should just consider sending your unit in and let us do that for you.

(waits for response)

Yes, we can do that if you would like I can send you out a temporary unit. All you have to do is return the box with your old unit and we will get it up to speed and send it back out.

(waits for response)

We will set that in motion, then. Is the address that we have on file current?

(waits for response)

Excellent, that will arrive in a couple days. Have I helped you with all of your vile needs?

(waits for response)

Great, thank you for calling Sinister Solutions and have a devious day!

(phone rings)

6017278
Thank you for calling Sinister Solutions; where we have the solutions to all of your sinister needs. How may I assist you in your malefaction today?

(waits for response)

I would be glad to help you with that today. May I have your member ID please?

(waits for response)

Thank you, and your PIN please?

(waits for response)

Thank you. So, you would like help installing a software patch? Did it not update automatically?

(waits for response)

Oh, I see. If you got the patch as an attachment, then you will need to open the e-mail you received it with.

(pauses)

OK, now click on the attachment to download the file.

(pauses)

Great, wait for the download to complete and then select, “run file” on the next window that pops up.

(pauses)

Alright, the set up wizard will now run and your system will update.

(waits for response)

No, Its actually not that kind of wizard you wont have to worry about anything like that. Is the update complete, yet?

(waits for response)

Excellent, your system should be good to go. But I do suggest you have a test run to make sure your whole network is updated.

(waits for response)

Yeah, I can go ahead and talk you through a test run. Do you have the coordinates of a test site?

(waits for response)

Those are actually read as, “degree, minute and second”. Go ahead and start up the targeting system. It might take longer than normal due to the update.

(speaks to 002 rolls eyes and shakes head)

I think I’m going to have to walk this guy through every single step in the sequence.

(returns to phone call)

OK, if the system is up and running, all you need to do is enter those coordinates you gave me a moment ago, “N 32.2882 and W -110.96199”

(waits for response)

Like I was saying before, coordinates are read as degree, minutes and seconds with latitude listed first and longitude listed second. So, just enter them into the program like they are listed.

(waits for response)

OK, can you read me the error message?

(waits for response)

Alright, “dd” means, “decimal degrees” just use a decimal to separate the degree from the minutes and seconds. Type the coordinates in again but use a decimal in between the degree and the minute; with no space between the minutes and seconds.

(speaks to 002)

You know how I called you a clown shoe before? I was wrong; this guy is a clown shoe!

0025432
Wait, what’s that guys name?

6017278
His name’s...

(starts to answer but returns to call)

OK, let me have the coordinates again. N 32 degrees 28 minutes and 82 seconds and W -110 degrees 96 minutes and 199 degrees; that means you want to type 32.2882 in for the latitude and

0025432

(002 becomes frantic and attempts to interrupt)

Hang up the...

6017278

(waves away 002)
(still talking to caller)

No. Yeah, I’m here. OK put -110.96199 in for the longitude.

(pauses)

Yeah, that’s it. Just hit enter; it’ll take about 10 seconds for the ray to fire and then we can run a diagnostics to see if the hit was accurate.

(surprised and offended)
(speaks to 002)

He just laughed and hung up!

0025432

(Shouting)

DO YOU KNOW WHY!

6017278
What’s your problem?

0025432

(Shouting)

YOU JUST KILLED US!

6017278
What are you talking about?

0025432

(shouting)

LET ME GUESS THAT WAS VON SHADOW, RIGHT?

6017278
How did you know that?

0025432

(shouting)

HE WAS THE GUY THAT THREATENED TO KILL ME BECAUSE I TOLD HIM HE WAS THE CAUSE OF HIS PROBLEM!

6017278
It’s nothing. He’s not going to do anything.

0025432

(shouting)

DID YOU EVEN LOOK UP THOSE COORDINATES BEFORE YOU WALKED HIM THROUGH THAT?

(points to his monitor)

6017278
Oh, SHIT!

SHOT: SCREEN DISPLAYS STATIC THEN THE CAMERA PULLS BACK FROM STATIC TO REVEAL AN OFFICE WITH SEVERAL MEN IN SUITS WATCHING THE STATIC ON A LARGER WALL SCREEN.

INSURANCE CLAIM ADJUSTER

(starts to pack his briefcase)

Well, I guess my work here is done. You gentlemen have a nice day.

HERR MEIKRANTZ
What are you talking about?

INSURANCE CLAIM ADJUSTER
Well, Herr Meikrantz, it appears we have a clear explanation for the events that took place that resulted in the loss of your facility.

(hands over large document)

You may want to re-read your policy. Article 315, section IV, clearly states that if an employee of Sinister Solutions is responsible for the destruction of the facility, you are only covered if the wreckage is a result of the self-destruct system being engaged in order to preserve the security of the establishment. Since this video clearly defines the actions taken by the employee as other than that, I will be on my way. Thank you, gentlemen.

HERR MEIKRANTZ

(furious)

Wait, you can’t do that to us! Do you realize what kind of company you are dealing with?

INSURANCE CLAIM ADJUSTER

(stops in doorway)

I suggest you reconsider your tone, Herr Meikrantz. My superiors will decide if it will be necessary for our company to file charges of fraud against this claim by reviewing my report.

HERR MEIKRANTZ

(stammering)

Well, um... isn’t there something that can be done? Your company is one of our larger clients.

INSURANCE CLAIM ADJUSTER
Perhaps there is something that we can arrange. My superiors will be in contact with you. Good day, gentlemen.

(door closes)